I should be over all the butterflies...

Not Alone

Hearing everyone else in the locker room complain about having to be at work so early makes me feel better about being at work so early because it tells me I am not alone and that's important.

Lately I've thought

Stuggle

"But the thing is, you can’t really get it wrong. Struggle isn’t the same thing as failure, and not having everything (or anything) figured out isn’t a mandate on who you are as a person. After some or a lot of slogging, you’ll get something to do. You will have a place to live and stuff to fill it with, and you will find the people who make you feel like the best version of yourself. You can carve out your own spaces and take big chances even when you have dental bills to pay."

The throbbing ache that is currently consuming both my entire legs is drowning out my ability to be positive. This two jobs, full shifts, same day thing is going to make me physically sick. I need more cuddles to help my immune system so I don't catch the flu. Or just a decent job where I can sit.

Not that I'd know, but...

...that feeling you get when you sink into your mattress after a 16 hour work day, that relief you get, right before your throbbing feet and aching knees make their displeasure known, because you can finally rest for a little while, that feeling? There's no way an orgasm feels as good as that.

I'm not picky

Except when I am. I am strangely picky. For example, I love eating plain milk chocolate Hershey bars, but it's got to be  regular, not king size or family size, just plain ol' tiny Hershey's bar. When the pieces are big it's harder to snap them along the lines and if you don't snap then along the lines, well, then it's just not worth eating.

I'm nobody...

...who the hell are you?

I understand you're upset, but to look me in the face and say "Well she's obviously nobody."

You, sir, are an asshole.

If you cannot correctly pronounce the word 'concierge', you should not be homeschooling your children.

It seems like everyone's having their hours cut and now they're looking for new jobs. What is it about the end of May that's making employers act like dicks?

Every time he talks

Every time he talks I think things like this. Well, almost every time.

Pardon me

while I break down a little on my lunch break.

Some Days Just Aren't

Today I am not coping. It is a beautiful day outside, the weather is perfect and warm with a breeze, my outfit is cute, my face is clearing up, and I'm starting to loose weight. I should be happy. I'm not. All I can think about is how much I don't want to go home. I've spent the last week or so going through all my belongings and getting rid of things, and last night I tackled the craft supplies I had in the house. The whole time mom sat there going "Oh, you can't get rid of that!" "But you need that!" "I'll BUY it from you if you'll keep it!" It's hard enough letting go of things without her playing devil's advocate. At least now I know I wasn't born a hoarder - I was taught >.<
I went from 4 bins and 3 full suitcases of clothes to 3 bins, one of which is solely my good winter clothes. Everything else is in boxes in my car and I'm dropping them off at Goodwill tomorrow. I still have a lot of work to do, but the important stuff is done. I put all my cards and notes and important things from people in one bin, so when it's time to go I can grab that and pack around it. She doesn't have anything to hold over me anymore.
I've stopped trying to be nice to her. She insists on seeing the negative, do I've stopped trying to be quietly positive. It doesn't work. I wish I could say that's made my life easier, but it hadn't. All we do is fight. At least now my grandparents are actually seeing the efforts I'm making to clean up my life. Maybe now they'll start supporting me more.

HA.

Urgh.

I hate that early morning nauseous feeling you get when you wake up and you haven't had enough sleep, because the only thing you can do for it is go back to sleep and sometimes that's just not possible.

I Wrote This For You: The Trees Grow Quietly

Blog: I Wrote This For You
Post: The Trees Grow Quietly
Link: http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2012/06/trees-grow-quietly.html

The things you struggle with today are things you choose to struggle with.  

             Because you believe that what you want to accomplish, is worth struggling for.

No.

Every single atom of my existence is screaming out for me to just give up now. On the surface it's just a little math homework. But that week's work of overdue assignments speaks of a week struggling to move, fighting just to breathe and not having enough energy left over to even put one foot in front of the other. It's just a little but of homework now, but it represents the never ending struggle to live. There will be more assignments on Monday, and on Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday and it just keeps going and going and going and it never stops. I mean, yeah, this class is over at the end of July, but then fall classes start in August and I get to do it all over again, but with more than one class at a time. Sometimes I watch a really good episode and all I can think is "Damn, what I wouldn't give to have been on set for that" and it makes me want to keep going, or I see everyone's happy graduation photos and I think how amazing it would be to finally have a degree in something, anything. But usually, usually I'm just tired. Sure, if I can make it it will all be worth it, but when have I ever had any indication that success was possible for me? A possibility? Yeah. Possible? No. It just goes on and on and it never stops and I'm just tired. I'm tired of wanting and dreaming and hoping and I just want to stop now. I just want to stop.