I know that there's a place for me somewhere out there.

It's just taking longer than I thought to find it.

ASAP.

The stranger braver than me

I wonder if they got there, and if they did, how they managed to do it. I wish the PostSecret App was still around so I could ask them.

True, that.

Just realized...

... In episode one of Season 5, the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver gets burned out from using too much power and falls to the ground as a useless, blackened lump of metal. In Silence in the Library, River Song has the Doctor's sonic screwdriver - the EXACT same screwdriver that the 10th Doctor has, the SAME screwdriver that gets burned up beyond fixability. Eleven gets a new one from the Tardis, a green one. So, how did River Song get a fixed AND upgraded screwdriver?

I take that back,

I don't always love the movies. There were so many little things they could have done to be truer to books that they just didn't do, and so many huge things that aren't anywhere in the books that they decided to add. Burning the Burrow, anyone? Nowhere in the books, but it's a huge chunk of time in the movie. The only redeemable part of that was getting to see Ginny kick ass in her bathrobe to protect the boy she loves. Cute, but if they really wanted to show Ginny brig awesome they should have shown her wielding her amazing Bat-Boogey Hex, which is just as much her signature move as Expellisrmus is Harry's! Argh.

Harry Potter...

I definitely love Harry Potter. Love the books. Love the movies. Love my fellow Potterheads.

"I Am The Doctor" by Murray Gold

For starters, I really love this song. Like, REALLY love this song. To the point where it's my ringtone. And after seeing this video I really want to go to the Proms at some point in my life!

http://youtu.be/-bSQ4Zn1rKc

This blog is now a GPS.

I spent a good part of last night trying to figure out what I really want out of life, to no avail. I want too many things. Then I tried to think about what I like, and my brain skipped all over the place on that. You know that old saying, "If you want to know where your heart is look where your mind goes when it wanders"? Well, my mind is the most wandering wanderer there is, so I've decided I'm going to use this as a roadmap as well. Anytime I catch my mind wandering I'm going to post about it, see if I can track my thought process (cue the chorus of "What thought process?" =P) and see if I can find some kind of pattern or predominant thought. If anybody has any ideas to help me out with this, please, share!

"Everything's Okay" by Lenka

"Everything's Okay"

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay

Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Nothing's going right, shadow's took the light
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"

Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving love to find a way
Through this messy life I made for myself
Heaven knows I need a little

Hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay

I gave my hope to you
When you were early through
And you said, "Oh, I can't go on
Well, now I need it back
'Cause I have got a lack of all that's good
And I can't go on

Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you

Everything's okay, everything's okay
Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you

"Live Like You're Dying" by Lenka

"Live Like You're Dying"

One of these days you'll be
under the covers, you'll be
under the table and you'll realize.

That all of your days are numbered;
all of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?
You can not trade them in for more...

No no

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you.

Give me a reason to
fight the feeling
that there's nothing here for me.

Cause none of its easy,
I know it wasn't meant to be.
I know it's all up to me.
It's all up to me.
So what am I gonna do with my time?

Oooh

Ill take every moment, I know that I own them.
It's all up to you to do whatever you choose.

Live like you're dying and never stop trying.
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you.

All of the moments you didn't notice;
gone in the blink of an eye.
And all of the feelings you couldn't feel
no matter how you try.

Oh oh

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It's all up to you,
to do whatever you choose.

Live like you're dying and never stop trying.
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you.

Live like you're dying and never stop trying.
It's all up to you, use what's been given to you.

Oh oh

Sound advice.

But that still leaves me with the question of 'what'. What do I love enough to spend the rest of my life doing it? I love doing crafty things, but I'm a mimic. All the things I do well I saw somebody else do first. My stars? Found them on YouTube. The coasters? Saw it on tumblr. My magnet and bulletin boards? Saw 'em on pinterest. I don't know that I want to spend the rest of my life copying strangers. And an artist's life is hard enough for a normal person, could I handle it as a severe asthmatic? Even on the best of days too much modge podge can put me in the hospital. Gah. This is hard :/

http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2012/01/universe-will-take-you.html

The real question is:

What do I want to do with myself? Like, really, truly devote myself to? Saying I'm moving forward is all well and good, but I need a better direction than 'not here'. Help me out people. What am I good at? What can I make into a career? Where should I even start the job search? I'm in serious need of advice.

Advice to myself

I must remember this...

Step 1: Choose a launch site.

"You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be."

Where I am right now is unacceptable. My life is at a standstill and my soul has hit rock bottom. This is good news. This means there's no where to go but up. But which way? 

Rather than focusing on how miserable I am right-now-at-this-moment it's time to start figuring out where I'm going. I have no idea what I want to do with my life (honestly, I never really have). Sure, I have things I've wanted to do, like learn sign language, so I've been basing my career choices on those sub-goals, but what I need now is a master goal, a big picture. So...

Where do I go from here?

Step 1: Choose a launch site.

I can't look at this as 'I'm stuck in Hendersonville, NC' anymore. This is where I am starting my new life, and I can make it be anything I want. It's going to be hard, and every second is going to be a fight for freedom (as evidenced by the fact that I'm >rightnow< getting fussed at for being on my computer for so long, just from writing this) but this is not a choice anymore. I'm getting out of here. I'm paving my own road. I'm starting right.now.