Every time he talks

Every time he talks I think things like this. Well, almost every time.

Pardon me

while I break down a little on my lunch break.

Some Days Just Aren't

Today I am not coping. It is a beautiful day outside, the weather is perfect and warm with a breeze, my outfit is cute, my face is clearing up, and I'm starting to loose weight. I should be happy. I'm not. All I can think about is how much I don't want to go home. I've spent the last week or so going through all my belongings and getting rid of things, and last night I tackled the craft supplies I had in the house. The whole time mom sat there going "Oh, you can't get rid of that!" "But you need that!" "I'll BUY it from you if you'll keep it!" It's hard enough letting go of things without her playing devil's advocate. At least now I know I wasn't born a hoarder - I was taught >.<
I went from 4 bins and 3 full suitcases of clothes to 3 bins, one of which is solely my good winter clothes. Everything else is in boxes in my car and I'm dropping them off at Goodwill tomorrow. I still have a lot of work to do, but the important stuff is done. I put all my cards and notes and important things from people in one bin, so when it's time to go I can grab that and pack around it. She doesn't have anything to hold over me anymore.
I've stopped trying to be nice to her. She insists on seeing the negative, do I've stopped trying to be quietly positive. It doesn't work. I wish I could say that's made my life easier, but it hadn't. All we do is fight. At least now my grandparents are actually seeing the efforts I'm making to clean up my life. Maybe now they'll start supporting me more.

HA.

Urgh.

I hate that early morning nauseous feeling you get when you wake up and you haven't had enough sleep, because the only thing you can do for it is go back to sleep and sometimes that's just not possible.

I Wrote This For You: The Trees Grow Quietly

Blog: I Wrote This For You
Post: The Trees Grow Quietly
Link: http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2012/06/trees-grow-quietly.html

The things you struggle with today are things you choose to struggle with.  

             Because you believe that what you want to accomplish, is worth struggling for.

No.

Every single atom of my existence is screaming out for me to just give up now. On the surface it's just a little math homework. But that week's work of overdue assignments speaks of a week struggling to move, fighting just to breathe and not having enough energy left over to even put one foot in front of the other. It's just a little but of homework now, but it represents the never ending struggle to live. There will be more assignments on Monday, and on Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday and it just keeps going and going and going and it never stops. I mean, yeah, this class is over at the end of July, but then fall classes start in August and I get to do it all over again, but with more than one class at a time. Sometimes I watch a really good episode and all I can think is "Damn, what I wouldn't give to have been on set for that" and it makes me want to keep going, or I see everyone's happy graduation photos and I think how amazing it would be to finally have a degree in something, anything. But usually, usually I'm just tired. Sure, if I can make it it will all be worth it, but when have I ever had any indication that success was possible for me? A possibility? Yeah. Possible? No. It just goes on and on and it never stops and I'm just tired. I'm tired of wanting and dreaming and hoping and I just want to stop now. I just want to stop.

Copper

Just saw a preview for Copper on BBC America.

"You can start talking, *cocks gun* or you can start praying."

I think I'm going to like this show.

Really? Really??

If you're going Out the In door, do not get frustrated with us for bumping into you when we go In the In door.

Being sick.

Sucks. Really, really, sucks. Going to work when your nose is doing a wonderful impersonation of a snot fountain and your head is vehemently professing its desire to join a percussion symphony? So much fun.

The cure

"The cure for every ache is a nice, hot bubble bath."
"Even heartache?"
"Especially heartache."

Proof

This morning was just more proof that the universe does not want me to be on time for anywhere and leaving early is dangerous to my health. I got up and ready with 10 minutes to spare, went to walk out the door and my mom stopped me because my pants were splitting. Hadn't split yet, but the fabric was stretched so thin in one spot that you could see my underwear. (That's what I get for buying things off the clearance rack >.<) So I had to rush back inside and navigate the obstacle course that is the room in the morning, find new pants, wait for granny to get out of the bathroom, change, explain the situation to the g-parents (cause they get offended if we don't answer them or don't explain in full) and rush back out the door. Thanks to the Universe, I had to zoom to work faster than is safe and started my morning super stressed. Clocked in 1 minute late, which doesn't seem like a lot but, as I learned from Disney, is more than enough to send your career downhill. I'd love to be on time. Hell, I'd love to be early for everything, if I could! But every time, and I mean EVERY. TIME. I try to be early, something bad happens. My pants split or my car dies or I witness a traffic accident or I get a ticket. It's easier on everyone if we just bend to the inevitable will of the universe and accept that I'm going to be late for everything, always. Forewarned is forearmed anyway, eh?

Because I'm a bad daughter

I decided to be a nice daughter and turn my fan off last night since mom was complaining about the noise it makes. Woke up late with a heavy chest, trouble breathing, and severe congestion. I really need to learn to be a bit more selfish before I kill myself >.<

The biggest problem with...

...getting Gay Marriage legalized is that religion keeps getting in the way. If the government is more concerned about pacifying religious forces than about basic freedom and rights, then the solution is simple. Found a religion that has Gay Marriage at the core belief. Ta-da! Problem solved. The government will have to approve gay marriage or risk offending a religious community. And we all know how much they hate to do that.

Horoscope 5/29/12

Catching up on Glee...

.... and every other commercial begins, "You know what's exciting? Graduation."

No, actually, I don't know. Thanks for hammering home the fact that I've completely failed at the one thing in my life I considered really important.