Not this.

This was supposed to be a place for me to figure out what I want in life, not moan about what's going on. This was supposed to help me share my triumphs, not my failures. This was supposed to help me have a positive voice, not give me a place to silently scream. I have lost track of the meaning. That doesn't mean it's any less real.

Imagine your mother, the woman that gave birth to you, raised you, that woman you would do anything just to make proud of you, looking you straight in the eyes and telling you she knew you didn't love her. And then imagine her telling you that every single day, in her actions and her attitude and sometimes even in words. And no matter what you do that's what she truly believes. Could you stand it? Cause every time my heart feels like it's being sliced with a razor dipped in lemon juice, and I don't know how much longer I can bleed. And all I want is a hug from my mommy, but she's the one cutting me into pieces. I've held on for years, but eventually I'm going to bleed out. It won't be long now.

You wish.

I am the strongest fucking person in the world.
Atlas ain't got nothing on me.
The weight of your words will crush my soul,
But I'm still standing tall
And I'll make it through it all.
Watch me.

Day 2...

... of my new job at the Biltmore. Yesterday was so dull I wanted to cry. Orientation was like a day back in high school - don't make eye contact with the teacher, going around the room & reading out of the book, & dull educational videos. Bleh. This big, beautiful house full if history (actual history! in America!) & that was the best they could do? Oh well. I'm probably just a business snob (never thought I'd have that descriptor...), not everyone can live up to Disney standards.
Anywho, today! Todaytodaytodaytodaytoday! Going to the Biltmore! (Sitting in the ticket center parking lot right now!) I've never actually seen the house before. When I came for my interview all I saw was the drive up to the tickets building (which is stunning, don't get me wrong) but not the house. We get to spend the day like a guest, so, should be interesting!

Meant to send this yesterday...